These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, boy, are these funny!!!


1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village some where of an 'idiot'.

5. Your son sets low personal standards, and then consistently fails to achieve them.


6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.


11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child, beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is definitely dead.



These Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:


13. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

14. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They stretch after awhile."

15. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."


16. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

17. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

18. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

19. "Yes,sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

20. "Warning! You want a warning? OK., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."


21. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

22. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

23. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

24. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

25. "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"


26. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

27. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."


AND THE WINNER IS....


28. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

okay so sue me another fwd i got... and it should probably go in the jokes section... but im a rebel... im curious as to what you think about the student comment... what would you do if your child recieved a comment like any of the above...

as for the police officer quote... what would you say if they said something like that to you?

I'm not so sure that all those comments are factual. Where did you get this?

like i said fwd... so who knows...

it does say nyc public school system... so i could see it being said....

If it true, it's beyond heartbreaking. I hope someone shoots me if I ever say anything like that about my students.

To be honest, I can understand teachers saying some of those things about students. And the police officer comments are also understandable. Still somewhat funny though

The police comments are funny. They're dealing with potential criminals/real criminals who are trying to get out of a ticket/trying to run away/etc. The teacher comments...they shouldn't be allowed to say stuff like that but shouldn't be fired either.

For just saying it no but if it goes on the report and happens repeatedly I think they should be fired.

I don't think it did happen repeatedly. The forward says right above the list of comments that the teachers were reprimanded.

but really, some kids do deserve those comments

That's besides the point. It should never ever be said to them especially by a teacher. The problems need to be addressed thoughtfully with the parents involvement, not thrown onto a report card as complaints.