I'll post some of my early work on it here. This is my prologue. It's first-drafty, but I did go back and edit it a bit. I'll just copy and paste it since it's less than a page and I didn't do it on Word.

Let me know what you think. The purpose of it: to introduce you to the bad guy and give you a little insight into the religion of my little "world" here (the religion's true for purposes of the story. The _____ will later be replaced by a name, but I have yet to pick one, sicne it has to be symbolic of a devil-character/evil god).

"Prologue"


The Man Who Was Not a Man looked around in triumph. He had escaped! _____ himself could not hold him! Carefully he altered his appearance until he resembled completely his charge. His long black hair he shortened with a stroke of his fingers and made it a deep brown. He shortened and narrowed his body and turned his cracked, ghostly white skin to human color and texture. His thin, yellow eyes blinked once and turned a calm blue. He folded his wings back and wore a heavy robe so as not to be noticed. Robes were a little out of fashion, he admitted to himself, but it was the best way to keep a low profile. He would pass as a Human to the Humans, though he knew The Guard would come for him and would see him for what he was. He was going to have some fun before They found him and put him back. Step by step the Man Who Was Not a Man made his way south to his destination. At every city, he took the time to learn the ways and culture of the Humans, and little by little he thought up a better use for his time in the Middle Plane.


* * *


_____ was seething with rage. "ARE YOU AN IDIOT?" he roared. Fire leapt of his eyes and smoke from his nostrils.

The Captain of the Guards was the one to which _____'s fury was directed. He was on duty where the Man Who Was Not a Man escaped. "I never saw him, lord. I swear I never even saw him," he said. Pleading would be his only way out of terrible consequences and they both knew it.

_____ lowered his voice to a course whisper. "Do you know what he will do? Do you understand what will happen if you don't bring him back soon?"

The captain breathed a sigh of relief in his head. He had a second chance. He nodded his head and waited for further directions. "You may take nine guards with you. Go and find him before he does too much damage. Consider an eternity in the torture chambers as incentive to hurry." For a moment, the captain thought about an eternity of suffering, and without another word or gesture save a low bow, ran off to find guards to join him. His lord's words echoed in his head and he felt faint. As great and terrible as the Guards were, the thought of their lord's wrath made them all shudder. He felt like a little boy who had to catch a lion. He wasn't far off, and he knew it.


Let me know if it sucks, too. Better that if I have to change it around, it's early. The bold is purposeful, not just because I'm pointing those sentences out or just like bold.

looks good. what is the genral story line for the book though? and if it ever gets published, tell me what it is called.

Thanks. Well, I got a Deviant Art account since I found out they do literature as well as visual artwork, so I'll post more up on there when I write it and post something about it here.

um not to be mean but it sounds alot like Reposessed

I've never even heard of Repossessed. Besides, I'll probably take it in another direction from here.