Yes, it's about that time again. Time to show you my new book I have going. Some ideas from the last beginning have been changed, some are kept in tact, some new ones are introduced. I think this is going to go well.


http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XEA0KJVM



And of course, I have to be overly critical/self-conscious and say that it's pretty rough and that there are things that are going to change or at least have the chance of changing (like names... the _____ character will eventually be a name, for example). And the part that starts with 4... I'm not really sure on yet. Also the way I handled the footnotes, though I guess you people can't really help with that since you don't know what they're actually for.

I'm just throwing this out there.

I like it. Don't think I saw the footnotes because I opened it with wordpad, that being all I have. Please finish this one

Well I'm glad you like what you've seen! Thanks for taking the time.

I'll try my best to finish it, haha.

I have an idea that once you pass a certain part of the book, once you draw yourself into it, you will finish it rather than scrapping it and rebeginning. If you keep working on this, editing but not trashing, this version might be the last, unless you have multiple books you are writing. I remember one beginning I tread started with a war-torn city and another started with a person trapped in a weird door-less room where these people got their thumbs cut off.

Oh, and I'll read this beginning tomorrow...no time right now.

Yeah, I have cool ideas.

Did you read it yet?

No. I was going to, but it wasn't on the unread posts lists, so I forgot about it after a while. I'll DL it now.

Edit: Damn I need to download that megauploader first, though, don't I?

No, just go to that link, put in the little code that should be in the right hand corner, then it'll tell you to wait a buncha seconds then something will come up to download. I wish I woulda waited to upload it cuz I got some ideas I'm adding but oh well, you'll see this.

And I knew you'd forget, that's why I replied

Alright I just downloaded it. I saw the download button there before but next to it it said enter ANN, and I thought that was an acronym for a code which I did not know. Apparently, it literally means to enter ANN. Now I feel silly.

First page is blank...then there's two phrases repeated three times over two pages...then there's an ad...

I'm not criticizing it, I'm just making sure it opened up right.

Alright, here's my edit to the post. I'll keep this up as I read the story. Firstly...

You changed the POV at the end of the paragraph. That should say him. Most of the things I want to point out you'd probably catch anyway in an edit, and you may not agree with my opinions about the flow, but I'll keep quoting what I think you aught to change, anyway.

Bleh. ran towards the stairs and traveled up them? No no. Doesn't ring right. How about...Ethan heard glass breaking upstairs and ran back up them? Just a little thing, but it distracts away from the story, which, by the way, is bitchin' so far.

...almost tripping in his haste would sound better.

I like that one, how you have smiths making swords even though there are really advanced guns. Adds a touch of humor.

I also like the mix of modern and old time language.

(Whoops, I accidentally saved the edit...well, carrying on...

Alright, done. It was pretty good. Keeps you in the dark as to what the hell is going on. One thing seems odd, though...I figured it would be sor tof an anti-government/authority book once I saw the first footnote with the Authority shooting people with futuristic guns. I assume that the victims were members of some sort of revolution. I could be wrong. So why are civilians allowed to have swords? Wouldn't that be a hindrance to the government?


I don't know. I like what you have so far, but I'm very confused about it.

Yeah that's how it should be.

I'll have to find some time to read it


Sounding good, that